Documentation
// written under protest — the author was promised a coffee. the coffee is kaput too
notice — this documentation was produced under internal pressure. the engineer who wrote it was promised a coffee that never arrived. the documentation is legally his, emotionally not. please do not quote it back to him.
§ 1. what is this
this is documentation. you were told there would be none. congratulations: the prophecy failed.
everything here is true exactly once, and only when you are not looking at it. if you stare directly at a sentence, it becomes a suggestion.
§ 2. quick start
open the page— done. you cannot even fail this. it is the most reliable step in the entire system.pick a tool— from the directory. it works. we are not responsible for the sudden feeling of competence this may cause.close the tab— the documentation's preferred end state. the author has been told that "abandoned" is not a synonym for "finished".
§ 3. architecture
the whole backend, kept for historical reasons:
// index.js — the entire backend
function works() {
return true; // do not ask why. it works. — J.R., last day
}
// todo: document this someday
// (this file is that someday. the author wishes it noted he was asleep.)
the tools run in your browser. there is no server, and no one to send your data to. the "api" is a <script> tag, some vibes, and a prayer — see api.html, which is gated, because the vibes are unionized.
§ 4. troubleshooting
| symptom | cause | fix |
|---|---|---|
| the tool works | it is a tool | none. sign the waiver at privacy.html before celebrating |
| light mode is missing | light mode is kaput | wait 1.4 seconds for the screen to file its complaint |
| a button is nowhere to be found | it is running away | do not pursue. it has a lawyer (privacy.html) |
| you trust this documentation | you read too fast | reread. trust is a setting, and it is off |
§ 5. changelog
- v0.1.0 — everything appeared. nobody asked.
- v0.0.9 — documentation considered. rejected.
- v0.0.1 — a comment in a script tag said
// todo: document this someday. that someday was this week. the author wishes it noted that he was asleep.
§ 6. glossary
- kaput
- adj. broken in a way that is now load-bearing.
- dead key
- a key that must be committed before it produces anything. like most promises at this company.
- someday
- see changelog, v0.0.1. it has a due date. the due date is a rumor.
§ 7. sign-off
— the documentation engineer.
(name withheld. he was asked to keep his badge. he keeps his silence.)
if you found an error in this document, it was load-bearing. please do not remove it.